Conceal, Don't Feel
by BuRsT oF iRiDeScEnT
Summary: "Winter was her. The cold was her. She didn't like herself, but Elsa somehow managed to embrace the frost. Frankly, she liked the cold. She enjoyed the refreshing, cleansed air that winter blew and the snow that sprinkled along the ground. " A short drabble on Elsa's thoughts and feelings a few years after going into hiding/the last time Anna attempted to fix their relationship.


**Conceal, Don't Feel:**

"Want to build a snow man?" Anna's voice was small and tiny, and Elsa momentarily wondered if it was going to break. Her breath hitched, and she collapsed and slid down the door, resting her back near the door knob. Ice began to grow from where she sat, dancing in circles and stretching further and further until it reached her bed. The ice glimmered in the darkness, and Elsa felt a sudden chill go from up her arms to the bottom of her spine. The cold. She would never escape it, no matter how far and how fast she would run. It was a part of her, and Elsa would never be rid of it. The thirteen year old tugged on her bun anxiously, blinking back tears of frozen water. The wind brushed her face, almost as if it was kissing Elsa to comfort her. Any normal person would be shivering, but she wasn't normal, was she? Elsa didn't mind the snow; the cold had never bothered her anyway. Frankly, she liked the cold. She enjoyed the refreshing, cleansed air that winter blew and the snow that sprinkled along the ground. Winter was her. The cold was her. She didn't like herself, but Elsa somehow managed to embrace the frost.

Elsa heaved back a sob before responding the same words that she said every single day. "No, Anna. Go away."

"Why don't you play with me anymore? I thought you loved me." She could practically see her eleven year old sister's bottom lip begin to tremble and her pale eyes so much like her own well up in tears. Her eyes had warmth in them, though. She glowed into an electric blue when she was content. Elsa's? They were cold and guarded every day.

"I do love you," Elsa whispered in a hoarse voice, half hoping that Anna didn't hear her. It would be best if Anna despised her; she'd rather have her younger sister hate her than be dead. "You don't understand."

"Can't you help me to?"

"No!" Her tone had turned sharp and angry, and she felt her jaw set and her eyes darken to the color of an evil blue. Icicles shot from the walls, the ceilings, and Elsa's fist shook out of irritation and fear. "Control it, control it. Elsa, control it." After three years of isolation, she was weary and exhausted by Anna's hopeless attempts to try and get her from her prison that was her room. The prison that was herself. Her parents wanted to see her, too, but Elsa forbid it. The teenage girl longed for her mother, her father, but she didn't want to hurt them like she hurt Anna all those years ago. If she was lucky, Elsa would see her parents twice a week when they brought food to her room. That was their weekly tradition. Instead of the reduced staff bringing her food, her parents would. They would keep their distance, of course, despite Elsa's longing urge to throw herself into their warm arms and forget about her curse.

She heard a whimper from her sister and a pang of remorse shot through her. "Sorry I disturbed you." A tear escaped her eye. Traitor. She wiped it away with her glove, as she heard her sister's retreating footsteps.

It was better this way.

. . .

Elsa's day wasn't the life of the party, to say the least. She would wake up at six, finding herself restless. What if she had a nightmare and hurt someone with her curse subconsciously? That had never occurred before, but she wasn't taking any chances. Especially not with Anna outside her door. Insomnia was another curse, but Elsa managed. After her awakening, a member of the staff who knew the truth would slide breakfast underneath her door. After barely touching her meal, she would engulf herself into her lessons. She didn't have tutors, nor did she go to school. She studied on her own. There was no one there pushing her to, but she decided that even in isolation she should get a decent education. This usually consisted of four to five hours. The trusted staff would either slide the tray, or knock three times to signal to Elsa to unlock her door because the food was too large. She would again, pick at her food, only eating a small portion.

Then she would train. Try and control her powers. Because one day she knew she would have to leave her room. But that wasn't for a very long time. Hopefully. Unfortunately, her hopeless attempts would always end up in tears of frustration and her entire room covered in piles of snow.

This was contentment to Elsa. The knowledge that there was a schedule, a pattern to her everyday life.

This particular day, however, the pattern broke.

Elsa yawned, realizing she was curled up in a chair in the corner of the room, eyes staring unblinkingly at the large clock opposite her. Her blue eyes were dark, and the rings below them even darker; periodically her eyelids would droop downwards, only to have them snap wide open again, feigning alertness. Her dark purple nightgown, while expensive looked less than impressive; Her white hair was unkempt and ruffled, resembling a birds-nest more and more as the clock ticked on.

"Morning, Elsa!" A tiny voice piped out, and she turned around to see her younger sister resting on the armrest to the chair.

"Anna?" She gasped, leaping from the chair and turning her back away from her younger sister. "How did you get in here?"

The eight year old shrugged, her reddish-brown hair seemed to glow in the light of the room. Frost began to shoot from her hands.

_"Anna, slow down!"_

_"Mama! Papa!"_

_"Erase the magic."_

Elsa had hurt Anna. She couldn't hurt her again. Frantically, before more ice could form, she grabbed her gloves. They helped, but they weren't full proof.

"The door was unlocked." She heard the feigned fear in her sister's voice. "Are you angry at me, Elsa?"

Nonetheless, Anna needed to leave. Now. Before she hurt her again. "No, I'm not irate. But you need to leave, Anna."

"But I barely see you anymore! And I'm starting to talk to the paintings on the wall; I'm pretty sure that's not healthy." Her younger sister grabbed Elsa's hand, and she let out a shriek, shrinking away from her sister's touch and dodging behind the chair. She hid behind it, frost traveling upward the chair as her anxiety increased. "Sorry."

"Conceal, don't feel," Elsa muttered to herself, recognizing the truth behind her father's words. "Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know." She took a deep breath, calming herself before speaking. "You need to leave. Now." Elsa's tone of voice had turned steel, and Anna slowly nodded. "I'm sorry. But it's better this way."

"For who?" The younger girl demanded, crossing her arms firmly against her chest. "For you or for me?"

"For both of us. Now leave."

"Do you love me?"

She hesitated. If Elsa said no, would Anna finally leave her alone? Would hurting her verbally protect her from getting hurt physically? Elsa opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the strength to say no. "Just leave, Anna. I don't want to play."

"Will you ever?"

"No."

She heard the pitter-patter of Anna's feet as she retreated, heard the door click gently shut. And she could hear the chocked back sobs of her little sister. Elsa closed her eyes, resting against the back of the chair. The room spiraled. The floor panels misaligned themselves into zigzags as her ice spread around the room. Her eyes shattered like a glass window. She tried to hold herself against the wall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of her body for her sister Anna, but it was useless. She sank to the floor, finally letting the sadness overtake her.

It was better this way.

**A/N: I just saw the movie Frozen a few days ago, and can I just say WOW. Disney is known for cliche's, but man. Frozen was fantastic. I loved the idea of the plot, and the characters. Especially Elsa. And is it just me, or would Jack Frost and Elsa make a good couple? Just considering the possibilities. :)I hope you enjoyed it, despite its short length. Reviews, follows, and favorites are always greatly appreciated. **


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